Monday, July 2, 2012
Thoughts of a half drunk girl
So, What I have been doing Lately?.....
I have been busy literally.. Actually I felt guilty cox I only remember my blog when I felt bad inside that I needed to pour out my emotions.
I dont know how to begin this entry, too many things in my mind that i cannot organize my thoughts into writing, i was never and will never be a writer though i tried hard enough..oh well what can i expect in myself~~~ even before when i was a litte girl until i grew to be a attractive teenager (LOL)I remember I always been trying things that are not meant for me. I swear to angels in heaven i have a very bad voice but I auditioned in glee club in my school and when the coach didnt get me obviously, I told her I will not go out not unless she will let me in the club! Well what can she dO? She let me in and I was happy. When I was in high school I tried my best to excel in anything academics (which is easy) and non-academic (which is difficult) , I was a cheerleader though I dont have a background in gymnastic! I cant even split my two legs but yeah I did manage to be a cheerleader along with my sister Reva for 2 yrs!
In senior high school, I was an officer in ROTC Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) is a military program for senior high school and college students in the Philippines. It is intended to train students to prepare for national defense, and includes problem solving, military discipline, systematic planning, proper ethics, and leadership skills. YES u heard it right I am 1st Lt despite my Heart valve problems. So whats the point why i am writing all this? Maybe because from then until now i feel like I am still trying my best to things that are not for me :(
SO whats with all the drama??
argh! I dont know, dont know how to start this~~~~ Many told me that I am beautiful, maybe they are telling me a lie, but if its true that I am beautiful then I can conclude that "beauty comes with a curse" I dont know why I feel this at the moment :( One of the reason why i get so sentimental is its because memories are the only things that dont change when everything else does. There are things in life that you cannot hold on forever, no matter how much you fight for it.Sometimes destiny isnt always good, it becomes playful. When you met someone you learned to love, you thought that its destiny who made your path crossed. But what if making your paths cross is just part of the game that the playful destiny create? making you realize in the end that the person you thought that was destined for you wasnt really meant to stay... but only destined to make you feel love and leave you when you've already fallen.
Oh well I better put in mind that I can never own something that was NEVER mine so I should stop gripping on things I expect to last forever. NOTHING LAST FOREVER, FOREVER IS A LIE. EVERYTHING IS TRANSITORY. So while you have something in your hand, put in mind that its just borrowed so that one day when it is gone it wont take you eternity just to let it go..
When my feelings get so strong with someone, i always stop for a while and give my heart a time to breathe... a time to use my mind to weighed the situation based on the reason not on emotion because the saddest that happen is when one fall inlove while the other wants nothing more than a friendship.
There are times when I wish i am limited to certain emotions so that i'll never have to experienced pain, disappointment and never get my fragile heart broken.
But the same thing means that ill never know how it feels to love and be love in return, the thought of it scares me~~~~ to have a heart thats full but numb or to have a heart that broken but real.
Someday I will be looking back to those days we learned to love, get hurt, cry and FIGHT. When that time comes ill be laughing at my old damn self realizing how stupid I were to stand up for things I knew is not really meant for me. But i guess learning takes time and mistakes makes one journey fun... SO I SHOULD LIVE, LOVE AND TAKE THE PAIN IT BRINGS though its hard to wait around for something that I know will never happen its harder to stop when I know its everything I've always wanted~~~to love and be LOVED.